What am I here for? Why did God create my distinct character out of the many other possible combinations of human personality traits?
Every time I think I can’t live this life anymore because I am too different from everybody and because I don’t fit in anywhere, I remind myself that God created me, and He cannot make a mistake. There is a destiny to be fulfilled as part of God’s plan which cannot be fulfilled by anyone else but me.
Last night, as God’s consolation filled me during prayer, I cried out to Him, “Take me with you!” but He will not take me. There is a story that needs to play out from start to finish, and if I don’t play my part I will regret it for that part is the reason I was created.
What is this destiny? I keep asking God. I have a vague idea but I want to know more. So far, nothing seems to be happening in my life but a long wait. Or perhaps something is happening in the background. Two years ago I was an overweight unbeliever who never went to mass and never prayed. Fast forward to 2015 I am the complete opposite of who I used to be.
When I worry that my impatience is a sign that I do not trust God enough, He will give me consolation and remind me that if I do not trust Him, I would choose not to wait albeit impatiently. I am impatient because I am itching for action, like actors huddling backstage impatiently waiting for the curtains to rise, like soldiers watching the action from afar impatiently waiting for the command to advance, like good Christian children counting the dates impatiently waiting for Christ’s return.
Or rather, I am not impatient. I am excited. So God will not take me with Him. Destinies still have to be fulfilled, my purpose for being created – What is it? I am still not completely sure, but it’s going to be awesome.